To: The Old Crabby Lady Working at My Local Borders Bookstore
Did you know that you work for a very large bookstore chain? I assume that since your employer has numerous stores located throughout the country that wholesale prices for books, dvd's, cd's, etc ... are extremely affordable. I also presume that these reasonable prices also applies towards your supply of gift cards. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to. The stacks and stacks of cards you have displayed near the cash registers and at each register counter. Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm guessing that each card costs less than a nickel to produce. I can also presuppose that once a gift card is used up, that either the owner of the gift card discards said gift card, or the local Borders store disposes of them themselves. My point to you is that these gift cards are relatively cheap ... you know ... easy on the wallet. As a result, how dare you take your wrinkly dry hands and seize the stack of cards my armadillo was carrying around. How dare you take for granted that all of those cards were from your store? How dare you.
He did have three Borders gift cards that I guess would have cost your company no more than a quarter if he actually walked out of there with the cards. If I wasn't so pressed for time and if there was not a line behind me, I would have made you ring me up for fifty gift cards with a dime on each one. Then I would have grabbed whatever was on the counter and purchase those items with the fifty gift cards I acquired. ... Wait I'm not done yet. Then I would have procured those items with the fifty gift cards but only use 9 cents on each gift card and leave the penny.
Yes I can be vindictive ... What do you expect you ancient hag? A piece of advice ... speak to the parent first before you make any rude gestures towards their child. You're lucky I didn't slap your wrinkly desiccated hand away.
I hope you got some kind of reward for taking those gift cards away from my armadillo. If you didn't, I'll be sure to flip you a quarter the next time we're there.
The Armadillo's Mama
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